i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My bed smells like the plague
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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