They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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