couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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