he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
