His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
