Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
