Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize