He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
