Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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