New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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