Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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