i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
