How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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