when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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