i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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