hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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