You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
