does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
