not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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