Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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