dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
