before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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