I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
