i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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