just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
did i just pee glitter
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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