you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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