U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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