eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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