Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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