dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
