If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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