I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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