Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You pole danced in your parka.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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