i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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