someone get that fucking seahorse.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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