I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
