Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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