I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it glows. i had to have it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
