oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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