i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
