Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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