I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
