Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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