Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pants are for mortals
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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