The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
