I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
whose ass print is on the piano?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
