you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
