he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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