he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
