yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I could fuck to npr.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
