I CAN MOONWALK!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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