Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize