just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
