Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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