I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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