We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
