That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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