After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize