Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
