i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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