; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
