Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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