Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
