She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
