I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
