i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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