I'm lost and stupid without you.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
