This is not my ceiling
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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