so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
