Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
