Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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