best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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