the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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