If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
