yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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