oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
