Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
