4 words: hood of his car
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
