IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
