yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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